Forbidden Want
by 7koukoua
Summary: "Are you mad at me, colonel?" She ventured almost shyly. Mustang turned around abruptly and finally, finally, stared at her wide-eyed.


_**Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist or its characters.**_

 **Author's note: This story is set after the war and before the events of the manga.**

It was a lovely day in East City, sunny, but not too hot. There was no cloud at sight; it was the colonel's favorite weather. Yet, he was so gloomy. Hawkeye had detected her superior's unusual mood the moment he set foot in the office that morning. And at 11:00, he still hadn't brightened up. The only thing that was the same, was his loathing for his paperwork. He spent the hours staring into space, or staring at the paper at hand, without working of course.

Hawkeye's brows furrowed in thought. What could possibly be the cause of the colonel's distraught? As far as she knew, there hadn't been incidents or problems in their work life. In fact, these past weeks were slow and uneventful. _Maybe that WAS what bothered him?_ She thought to herself. But really, Hawkeye knew every state of Roy's mind. And she knew Bored Roy very well, and he wasn't _this. This,_ she didn't know.

Roy had ignored her the entire morning. True, there hasn't been many conversation opportunities between them, but Roy always managed to talk to her, smile to her, heavens, to even look at her! This day, it was as if she didn't exist. Aside from the 'good morning, lieutenant', he hadn't addressed her at all.

"I'm bored." Havoc had his legs propped on the desk, an unlit cigarette hanging from his lips.

"You should do your work, you wouldn't be bored." Hawkeye automatically replied, casting a disapproving glance to her coworker's feet.

"Lieutenant, there's nothing to work on! I can tell that you are bored too!" Havoc whined once again, nevertheless straightening in his chair.

"Even the boss is acting strange, I think he misses the outdoor action." Breda observed, eyeing the colonel closely. Breda's comment seemed innocent enough, everybody had in fact noticed that Roy was a little off that day, but he was the only one to notice how he was ignoring the lieutenant, and how she was perplexed by that attitude.

Mustang hummed quietly, never taking his eyes from the paper he had in hand. Hawkeye frowned deeply at her superior's response, or lack thereof. To Roy's dismay, his subordinates were not planning on leaving him alone.

"I bet that he's been dumped and that's why he looks so depressed." Havoc declared triumphantly, already believing what he had said. "If you want, I can give you few pointers to get you back in the game, sir."

Seeing his cheeky grin and confident demeanor, the colonel couldn't resist biting back.

"Even if I had been dumped, which I hadn't, I'm still miles ahead of you in the dating world, Havoc."

The guys snickered, happy that their boss was taking the bait and participating in their nonsense. Even Hawkeye had a tolerant smile on her face, accustomated to the mindless competition between her teammates.

"You are mistaken, boss, as I now have a steady girlfriend!" Havoc was standing in a ridiculous pose, his hands on his waist, chest puffed out, tears rolling from his eyes.

Hawkeye rolled her eyes at her friend's antics, the guys laughed wholeheartedly at the utter ridiculousness that was Jean Havoc. Even the colonel was chuckling slightly, and opted to leave the man in peace and not to threaten his precarious love life once again.

The day went by slowly, everybody just waiting for the work day to be over. At 17:00 sharp, everybody scrambled quickly to their feet, saluted their boss and left. As usual, Mustang and Hawkeye were the last ones in the office, presumably to finish the day's workload, which Mustang always failed to finish. This time though, Mustang told her, without meeting her gaze, that he was tired and that the paperwork could wait. Perplexed, Hawkeye simply nodded and stood up to leave as well.

They both lived near headquarters, not far from each other. They always left together, and walked to Hawkeye's apartment, as it was nearer, then Mustang would walk alone to his apartment.

The walk home had never been that awkward! Hawkeye thought to herself. Usually they would talk about the day's events, their coworkers' idiocies. Heck, they would even talk about the weather if there were no other topic of discussion. More importantly, the colonel would usually ask her to walk beside him as they were off duty, and would smile to her and fricking _look_ at her! Hawkeye was beginning to get worked up, and was determined to find out what was on the colonel's mind.

She stopped walking, but he didn't notice, as she was walking two steps behind him. Then her voice stopped him.

"Are you mad at me, colonel?" She ventured almost shyly. Mustang turned around abruptly and finally, _finally,_ stared at her wide-eyed.

"No, why would I be?" He asked incredulously. Hawkeye had to suppress the urge to smack him in the forehead for asking such a stupid question when he had been acting weird all day long

"Well, you _are_ awfully distant today, you wouldn't even talk to me." Hawkeye's anger piqued as he once again averted his gaze, fixing all his interest on a stone lingering by his boots. "See, you're not even looking at me!" Her voice was still calm and composed, but her eyes were burning, daring him to tell her she was wrong.

But he didn't. He didn't say a thing, didn't even look at her, his gaze still fixated on the ground. At least that meant that she was not imagining things, and that he was indeed ignoring her and refusing to acknowledge her. Hawkeye exhaled angrily, then said matter-of-factly:

"Fine. I won't move from this spot until you tell me what's wrong." Once again, his eyes shot to her in surprise, only to be faced with her defiant ones.

"I could order you to walk, you know." He countered, a hint of amusement in his voice. Hawkeye, however, had none of it.

"With due respect, sir, I still wouldn't move before you told me what was wrong." She was practically standing at attention, chin high and eyes fixated on his.

"Come on, Hawkeye, we're starting to make a scene." His eyes were pleading her to let it go, but she didn't budge. She knew that there was something bothering her colonel, and that it was related to her, and she would be damned if she let him suffer alone.

"You are free to walk away, colonel." They both knew that he would never leave her standing alone in the middle of the street. Mustang sighed in defeat, running his hand through his dark hair.

"Fine, you got it Hawkeye. We should go back to HQ, because _this_ shouldn't be discussed in the middle of the street."

"We should discuss _this_ in my place, then. We're practically there." Hawkeye was not running the risk of having their discussion interrupted by anything or anyone, and she could see that the colonel was trying to buy time, or simply to annoy her. She was having none of it.

"But…"

"Let's go." She walked past him in the direction of her apartment. Mustang sighed in despair and followed her slowly.

They were in front of her door in no time. Hawkeye could feel the tension escalating as she fumbled with her key, her mind solely focused on the colonel and the dreaded discussion. Said colonel didn't utter a word, and he seemed deep in thought. Needless to say that he still tried not to look at her. Hawkeye almost groaned in frustration.

Finally she walked into her apartment, turning on the light. Mustang closed the door behind him, and rested his body against it, as he stared strangely at her.

The silence grew, and Hawkeye felt herself getting flustered by the intensity of his gaze. _Well you wanted him to look at you, didn't you?_ She thought to herself. He still wasn't talking, and she wasn't sure what to do. But then, his voice finally broke the silence.

"I want you." He breathed.

Hawkeye was known in the military for being an impassive person who could perfectly control her emotions. But this time, her hazel eyes grew wide as saucers, and her jaw dropped at his admission. _He… what?_

"I want you." Roy repeated, his voice louder and steadier. He was still staring at her, and she could feel the heat rise in her cheeks under his penetrating gaze.

"I've always wanted you. There's nothing new about this." He continued. _Nothing new?_ Hawkeye swallowed hard and steadied herself by gripping the nearest chair.

"I've learned to live with these feelings, to control them. Most of the time, I succeed. I manage to pretend that you're simply my most trusted aide." His lips quirked in a pained smile that didn't reach his eyes. "But sometimes, it all becomes too much. And seeing you, or even hearing your voice, makes me ache with want."

She felt a familiar heat pool inside her stomach. She needed to think, but her mind was blank, she couldn't formulate even simple thoughts. She was a mess. _He… wants me?_

"You... You want me?" She cursed her quivering voice, but how could she not tremble when Roy Mustang's eyes were boring into her soul? This was Roy Mustang! The man she dedicated her life to!

"More than anything in the world." His voice was so sincere it almost brought tears to her eyes. "In days like this, I need to make an effort to stop myself from touching you" He pushed himself softly from his spot against the door, and started walking slowly towards her. "Everything you do… Everything about you… drives me wild with need."

Hawkeye gasped softly, then silently congratulated herself for not _moaning_ in response to his words. She couldn't believe that few minutes ago she was begging him to talk to her, and now, he couldn't seem to stop talking.

"Your voice… your face… your body…" His eyes deliberately traveled slowly across her body, from her toes to her blushing face. "And your hair, god, your hair! I've been dying to touch your hair since you started growing it, like this." He pushed a stray strand of hair from her face, letting his hand linger there, gently cupping her face.

His touch electrified her, shaking her to the very core. She backed away from him, needing the space to _think,_ something she didn't seem capable of recently.

"You… want _me,_ when all the girls in East City fawn over you?"

"I only care about _you_." And she trusted him, God help her she trusted him with her life and knew that he was saying the truth, confirming what her heart didn't dare imagine. "You know half these dates are informants."

"Half." She couldn't help saying, noting with surprise the note of jealousy that crept into her voice.

"I've only gone out with two women since you started working with me, and both didn't last song with me." He was clearly pleased by her reaction, his infectious grin making her smile shyly in return. Mustang carefully cupped her cheek once again, and this time she didn't back away from his touch. He signed contentedly.

"What we're about to do is dangerous, colonel." She wasn't resisting him, he noted, merely stating a fact. He shrugged nonchalantly and laced his free arm around her waist, drawing her impossibly close to him.

"We'll manage." He simply said, still waiting.

"Good." And she finally claimed his lips.

 _ **Author's note: My stories in this fandom weren't as successful as Ranma's stories, and that makes me sad because Royai IS THE OTP!**_

 _ **If you like this one let me know. Tap the fav button, and you'll make my day! xo**_


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